


Staying in the Saddle

by SansaKuchelAckerman



Series: Staying in the Saddle [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Acceptance, Depression, Drama & Romance, F/F, F/M, Horseback Riding, M/M, Multi, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:15:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SansaKuchelAckerman/pseuds/SansaKuchelAckerman
Summary: Petra Ral is a star horse back rider of Trost Stables. She is on the verge of becoming a part of the US Olympic Riding Team. The trial that would change her life is in her grasps but she hides two dark secrets. As she gets closer to her trial date, Petra begins a life changing journey filled with high emotions, drama, and possible violence among her closest people. Can Petra overcome it and find herself on the road to glory or will she fall from her high horse?





	1. Chapter One: Walk

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I am so excited to start this multi chaptered story featuring the two of my favorite things: Attack on Titan and horses! I can't wait to see this story till the end. I hope you all enjoy it and tell me your thoughts. Lets saddle up!

The sun was hidden behind the clouds today. Found that rather odd considering that in two days, it would be June. But I didn't care a bit. I wanted to just get into the arena as soon as possible. I steered my dull green 1990 Chevy Impala down the familiar dirt road towards Trost Stables. 300 acres of meadows and forests. This piece of land is where I have called home since I was nine years old. A 30 stall stable colored blue, two large paddocks, and a small red barn stood in the heart of the property and just about 1000 feet from where it all stood, a white mansion resided. I parked the car right next to the stables and killed the ignition. The moment I stepped out of the car, I was punched in the face by the smell of sweet hay and manure. I could hear the horses in the paddocks whinnying as if they were excited to see me. To see me, I thought. My heart began to ache again. This happened a lot whenever I thought of myself. I covered my eyes and pinched the top of my small nose as I breathed out a quiet sigh of frustration.   
"Why now?" I asked quietly.  
Just before I could succumb to these emotions, a black Cherokee Jeep began to pull up and parked next to my car. I did not even pay attention as the driver hopped out slam the car door shut. I could hear the sound of the gravel crunching underneath the driver's boots, getting louder and louder. I could not let that person see me like that. I put my hand down, face the person, and give another fake surprised look. I came face to face with Eren Yeager, one of the three riders that rides with me in my lesson group. I took notice that he wore his favorite green polo shirt with the blue and white wings crossing in the back. His light brown jodhpurs were clean and his shiny tall black riding boots hugged his calves in all the right places.  
"Hey there, Petra!" he said with his usual positive attitude.  
"Hi Eren" I replied with a smile "You're early today."  
He reached into the back pocket of his jodhpurs and pulled out his phone. If I recalled from three days ago, him, Mikasa and Levi weren't suppose to ride until four. It was only two thirty.   
"Well.. let us just say that Erwin scolded me after I screwed with one of the students' tack trunks last Monday. Guess who got put on shit duty until next fucking month?" Eren asked me in slight annoyance.  
"Oh dear... sorry Eren." I said, feeling slightly guilty for my friend.  
"Nah... don't sweat it. At least the captain hasn't put me off the schedule for riding. Me and Thorwa can not miss any practices with Greenwood coming up soon. Were going to crush every single one of them."  
I couldn't help but laugh. Even though Eren was four years younger than me, he still was immature and let his mischievous nature get the nest of him at times. Reminded me of a kid.   
"Why are you here though?" Eren asked curiously.  
"Oh!" I gasped at the sudden remark "Well.... Erwin...he asked me to come down and practice the course."  
Why the fuck was I lying again?, I thought. I felt like I was kicking myself again on the inside. Eren seemed to have bought it. He took off towards the stables but before he entered, he turned back to eye me.  
"Oi Petra, you really should consider changing the attire. I mean... black doesn't suit you." Eren said, taking notice that I was wearing another long sleeved black shirt which was tucked into my cameo green jodhpurs.  
"Sorry! I told you all of my shirts got pretty small since my father accidentally put them in with the wrong detergent." I said slightly embarrassed.  
Another semi lie. Eren took off to commence his punishment while I headed to my horse's stall. The thirty horse stalls made from the strongest dark oak wood lined up on left side of the barn while the cross ties, shower stalls, and stairs, which lead to the hayloft, lined up the right side. A few of the horses had their heads sticking out of the stall doors looking around. I walked over the 24th stall where a well built gold coated horse with four white socks, a white blaze down its face, and snow white hair resided. She nickered at me as I reached out to pet her.  
"Hey there, Elsa" I said.  
She nudged my hands, looking for a treat greedily. I flashed a small smile as I messed with her front locks. My champion, I thought, At least someone was happy to see me.  
"Alright... time to work."  
I entered the stall, walked to the small cupboard in the stall, opened it with care to find Elsa's halter and lead rope. She followed me like a little lamb across the aisle way into one of the empty cross ties. After attaching the halter to the chains on both sides, I gave my horse a sugar lump I hid in my pocket before I left the house. She fed on it like some pig. Suddenly, she accidentally nipped my left arm and I gave a small yelp at the sudden pain. I covered my mouth, hoping that Eren did not hear me. I rubbed my arm with disgust. I could care less about the green saliva gift she gave me. I could feel every single one under the thin shirt and sadness began to flood my mind. I had to get moving or else I would fall apart right where I stood. I had to check and make sure that I wasn't bleeding. I made my way down the barn aisle towards the tack room. The four hundred by nine hundred square room was near the back of the room with all of the training barns tack trunks. I counted now 25 lined up like military supplies in a base. My tack room was in the left back corner labeled with my last name on the top. I unlocked the padlock with ease and opened it. I kept a secret first aid kit down at the bottom of it underneath a blanket and a jar full of apple cookies for the horses. I took the first aid kit out, closed the truck, and sat on top. I checked the door to make sure no one would come in before rolling up my sleeve. 37 scracthes covered my arm from my wrist to my elbow line. I noticed that due to the bite, the ones in the middle began to bleed again. As I applied ointment to the wounds, the memories of how I got them came running into my mind. It was like an endless loop playlist and I couldn't even press pause. More tears threatened to fall from my sore eyes. I wrapped the newly treated marks in a sports bandage and stowed the first aid kit back into the trunk. Just as I pulled down my sleeve, I heard two new voices in the aisle way. I tried to think of myself riding Elsa at the State Finals last month to calm myself enough to show my face.   
"Ah... about time I would see your face."  
I smiled at the sound of the deep voice before being embraced by my boyfriend. His raven black hair which parted in the middle to frame his face tickled my cheeks. I felt this rush of relief as he squeezed me tightly. When he finally let me go, he stroked my cheek with his soft hands as he looked me over with his thin silver-like eyes.   
"How are you today?" he asked.  
"I'm... well" I lied.  
"Your face says a different story."  
I pulled out my phone and flipped on the camera app. My tears stained my face and my eyes were slightly red. My heart sank. I have been able to keep the secret for almost seven years and now I feel like it was about to be pulled to the surface. I did not want to burden anyone. Levi never really let anything slip between us. We have dated for two years now and I trusted him with every bone in my body with everything but I could not trust him with this secret cause of his past I do not wish to mention.  
"Petra, what is going on?" Levi asked.  
"I..." I began.  
"Ah Petra! I was looking for you!"  
I turned my head to see Erwin, our instructor standing near the 30th stall in the stables. He gave us his smile and signaled me to him.  
"Levi, I advise you to go get Laurena from the pastures and have her ready by our lesson time." Erwin said.  
"Yes Erwin." Levi said slightly upset.  
Levi gave me one last look before he took off towards the entrance of the stables. I decided to hear Erwin out before saddling up my horse. As I lead my horse out to the open arena, I could not help but replay the words that Erwin said to me.  
"' I understand the trial will be difficult and I have trained you to the best of my ability. They will test you agility, speed, coordination, teamwork with your horse, and mental state. There will be no one at your side.'"  
Erwin's words were true as ever. The mental state part worried me as I mounted Elsa in the ring and began to warm her up. She obeyed every single command of mine. As I posted back into the trot, Erwin came into the arena and I could see Levi and Mikasa following at a safe distance, taking their place along the white fenced railing. I could only fake a smile. Erwin set up a couple of jumps for me. A simple two foot cross rail, a parallel oxer, and finally a gate.   
"Now, Petra. I want you to approach the jumps using your judgement and guiding ability. Remember that you and Elsa are a team. You shouldn't gamble on Elsa's ability to carry you over the jumps." Erwin said.  
"Of course, Erwin."  
I got my horse to a nice smooth canter as we approached the cross rail. She jumped it with grace and then we pursued the gate. I accidentally got her on the wrong lead for the canter after we jumped it. I had to get her back to a trot before continuing to pursue the next jump. The oxer was a jump that was four feet wide and each rail was four feet tall. It takes years to master it. As we approached the fence, a certain memory flashed before my eyes.   
"'Think you are going to win?'"  
No no no no, I thought. I did not understand what was happening.   
"'They will soon figure out that your a complete loser with nothing to be proud of?"'  
I pulled my horse to a stop right in front of the jump.   
"Petra???" Levi's voice called out.  
It sounded so distant. My head felt like it was getting squeezed by an immense pressure. I thought my brains were going to be exploding out like a gusher. I moaned and clasped my head with my hands.   
"Petra, what is going on?" Erwin asked concerned.  
I didn't even notice that he already ran over to where I was. I wasn't stopping cause of nerves or pressure knowing that I am to be have a trail for the most important team in America. That didn't matter right now. I was having a mental breakdown...  
"Come in, Petra! Let's get you off of her." Erwin said.  
I slid down and Erwin took me in his arm while he grabbed my horse's reins.   
"Petra, what's wrong?" Levi's voice sounded.  
I did not even turn to see him, as I began to cry heavily. Up until the point where I couldn't breath.  
"LEVI CALL 911!" Erwin yelled in urgency.


	2. Chapter Two: Trot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How are you doing? I am so excited to continue the next chapter. I am pretty sure some of you are wondering like why isn't Jean in this story since it revolves around his relatives. Kidding! I love the joke myself. I guess you can say I wanted to give the guy a break. I do plan to add him in more of my stories in the near future. So this chapter, I am going to swap the perspectives between Petra and Mikasa. Hope to do this more with all of the characters
> 
> So anyway enough chit chat, hope you guys do enjoy the next chapter of Staying in the Saddle!

Petra

I couldn't recall what happened after Erwin held me in his arms. It was all blank. I have had falls before where I hit my head and I could not remember much for the next few hours. When I finally had the ability to be conscious, I found myself in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. A small heart monitor was beeping every time my heart would beat. I also had an IV inserted into my left arm. My left arm! I looked down and the scratches were still bandaged up. My sheer panic caused my heart rate to rise so suddenly.   
"Oi, take it easy."  
I turned my head to the left to see Levi sitting next to me inside the ambulance with his legs crossed over the other and his arms folded, giving me a concerned yet distant look.   
"Levi.... I'm-"  
"Shh. Just.. don't speak. You gave me and the others a fucking heart attack. Why the hell didn't you say that you weren't feeling well?!" Levi snapped at me.  
His voice seemed like it was a mix of being concerned as well as upset. Have to admit, ever since we started dated, he had always seemed to approach things with a more blunt approach. I tilted my head up and it turned out we were still at the stables. One of the doors to the vehicle was open and I could see Erwin, talking to one of the medics. I could barely make out what they were saying. I laid back feeling dizzy from all the excitement.  
"Why didn't you say you weren't feeling well?" Levi asked.  
"Because... The trial..."  
The trial was only a month away and I end up in a ambulance due to a panic attack.  
"The paramedics said you had high blood pressure and couldn't breathe. But they put you on antibiotics so you should be back on your feet soon. Don't worry about Elsa. Mikasa is taking care of her. I called your folks and I told them you can stay with me for the night." Levi assured me calmly.  
I almost forgot they were still in Italy for business and won't be returning till next week. Surely any parent would be dropping what they are doing and rush back. Sadly, my parents cared more about their jobs than me now since I was a adult. They didn't even care if I had sex with Levi and got pregnant. They didn't even seem to notice that I wore the marks of my pain and agony. Levi eyed me and then stroked a piece of my short hair out of my face.  
"Petra, why couldn't you be truthful with me from the start?" Levi asked.  
I couldn't even speak cause pain and regret seemed to block my vocal cords. I just wanted to black out and never wake up again. I started to tear up and Levi just held me in his arms, stroking my hair gently like I was a puppy.  
"You don't have to explain anything," Levi began, "Just let me hold you. At least you're getting oxygen in your lungs again."

Mikasa

I could only watch. I remembered the way Erwin had to pull her off Elsa like some dead fish. She looked like she was about to have seizure. She was frozen and her eyes were wide open like some cords were forcing them open. Then she began to shake like a rag roll and collapsed. My stupid ass cousin couldn't get the damn paramedics on the phone fast enough. They couldn't get here quicker and that really pissed me off. Just the thought was enough to make me want to put a hole in a wall.   
"Mikasa?"  
My thoughts came to a sudden stop. I was in the tack room cleaning Elsa and Wildfire's tack when I heard my brother's voice. I looked up immediately gazing into Eren's teal eyes. He reeked of manure but that was okay, considering that we were here everyday. I put the gold one's bridle on her designated bridle hook. Eren had this look on his face as if he was just given the death sentence.   
"Eren, what is it?" I asked worryingly.  
"I heard Erwin and the paramedics talking. They are going to release Petra. But she will not be riding for a few days. Apparently she has suffered high blood pressure due to her breakdown." Eren said in a sorrowful tone.  
"Damn."  
That was all I could say. The fact that one of the most talented riders at Trost Stables collapses so suddenly just didn't seem right. I don't know she was so sweet, cared about this sport so much, and knew the values of nutrition. Hell, I took health courses with her when we were in high school together. It did not make sense.  
"Mikasa, I'm sure Petra will be fine. It could have been dehydration or something." Eren tried to assure me.  
"Perhaps."  
Later on that day, Levi took Petra back to his home and I was stuck at the stables until Eren finished his chores. I wanted to call Levi to see how Petra was doing. But for some reason I felt hesitant to do so. When I finally got my brother home and sent him straight to the showers, I knew that it was my opportunity. I dialed Petra's number and waited for three rings before it went straight to voicemail.  
"Yeah.. Hi Petra, how are you doing? I'm sure you are busy with Levi but I was hoping that you can give me a call back. Anyway...thanks."  
It was short and straight to the point. Just like how I was. I did not hear anything back from her or Levi on her condition. I waited and agonizing three days before Petra called me.  
"How are you feeling?! You gave me and Eren heart attacks." I said concerned.  
"That is very kind of you, Mikasa. I am fine now. In fact, I was going to call you and let you know that I am going back today."  
"So soon?"  
"Yeah! I have an important trial coming up. I can't afford to miss out on practice."  
I listened to her. She may have been able to fool others with her sweetness but she wasn't going to fool me. I knew her too well. It hurt me to see her this way. She put others before herself and I was sure as hell not going to let her push herself down anymore. I knew what I had to do even though I knew the risk. Levi would never forgive me and nor would Eren.

Petra

I drove back to the stables that day, feeling relieved to be back but I still couldn't let my guard down. I went to get Elsa's stuff and with without me noticing, a red mustang rolled up. It was Mikasa's car. That was quite unusual. She and Wildfire did not have a lesson today. I saw her come into the aisle way in her favorite green jodhpurs and ocean blue polo top with her signature red scarf. She went to Wildfire's stall and brought the brown and white paint mustang out of its stall. I found this odd. She usually would check with Erwin on the schedule since she is leasing him from him until she could find a horse of her own.  
"Mi-"  
"Saddle up. Were going on a trail ride." Mikasa cut me off.   
Her tone was so serious and blunt just like Levi. I did not even have a lesson planned so I went along with it. Mikasa and I rarely had the chance to trail ride ever since I started my extra training. So it was nice to see a change. We got out horses saddled up and we mounted, headed straight for Titan Forest. The mile and a half trail lead us through the back forest behind the stables. The 15 meter tall trees covered the grey sky above as we trotted through the woods side by side. Suddenly, Mikasa reached over and pulled Elsa's reins back until we stopped. What the hell, I thought.  
"Dismount now." she said coldly.  
"Mikasa, what are you doing?"  
"Don't you dare disobey me, Petra. Trust me its for your benefit."  
I did not want to argue with her since I was older and could not even find it within me to fight back since the events days back. I slid off from my horse's back and then let her graze on the fresh summer grass on the side of the trail. After tying both horse up on a fallen tree truck close by, she and I walked to the small creek that we came across a few years back. The five feet deep creek was littered with frogs and tiny fish. It was semi what soothing to hear the frogs croaking and the splashing of fish in the water. Something I needed for a long time.  
"So what happened? How come you didn't return my call?" Mikasa asked urgently.  
She sounded like some overprotective mom, wanting to know every detail of your day. Kind of pathetic if you asked me.  
"I was very dehydrated. Nothing more." I said, evading to discuss even more.  
"That was no simple dehydration. You looked as if you were having a seizure. You know you have to take better care of yourself."  
Cold and blunt just like Levi.  
"Mikasa, I do not want you all to worry about me. I am fine."  
"You're not okay."  
Those words hit me hard like hitting a deer in the headlights. I froze for a second, feeling numb from head to toe. I have heard those words over and over again from my parents and those who knew what happened. That party....  
"Oh god!" I cried, covering my mouth as more tears threatened to be released.  
"Petra?" Mikasa asked, noticing my change in behavior.  
I couldn't stop myself and I broke down, collapsing to my feet in despair. I tried to fight back the pain and tears. But I couldn't.  
"Hey."  
I covered my face, not wanting her to see what a true mess I was behind my kind facade. I felt her wrap around my body like a blanket. Funny... I never really considered her the loving type compared to her brother or cousin. She remained that way until I came to my senses.   
"Show me your arms, Petra." Mikasa said.  
"Don't" I pleaded barely at a whisper.  
"I know you do it."  
I couldn't argue with her as I hesitantly rolled my sleeve up and exposed the countless lashes on my arm. Her demeanor changed to utter shock. I tried to distract myself from her reaction by looking away, pretending as if my dark secret was not fully exposed.   
"How...long have you been doing this?" Mikasa asked, not even trying to hide her shock.  
"A couple of weeks." I answered.  
Those words weren't so hard to say. For years I have kept this to myself but I felt more relaxed with a girl than my own boyfriend. A sense of relief was washing over me for the first time in a long time.  
"A couple of fucking weeks Petra?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" she snapped.  
I yanked my arm out of the grip of the younger girl and covered the marks again in anger. I eyed her and bared my teeth like a dog. The calming moment was long gone. All I had to do was beg that no one else knew except for her and Levi cause he had the same questions as her.  
"Mikasa, please don't turn me into Erwin!" I begged.  
I could not even begin to imagine what he would do if he knew.  
Mikasa just looked at me with her usual stone glare for several agonizing moments before she finally gave me a response.  
"I will keep this quiet for now. But you need help, Petra."   
I was not foolish. I knew but I couldn't find myself to bring help. I wanted more than anything to be happy again.  
"Petra, stop hiding. It will kill not just you but those who you surround yourself with. I mean... is this world so cruel to you that you can't see the beauty underneath it all?" Mikasa asked quietly.  
"Don't go there with me." I cried.   
I walked back over to where the horses were, feeling slightly overwhelmed and out of breath. Mikasa chased after me like a wolf hunting the prey. She spun me around and pressed me against the trunk of a tree. Our faces were so close that we could feel each other's breaths.   
"Stop running from me." Mikasa said.   
Our foreheads touched and I could feel the cold skin against my warm skin, conflicting temperatures yet soon reaching the same. Mikasa closed her eyes and breathed heavily. My heart stopped for a moment as we stood there, as the world continued to spin on without a care. I felt... free. All my troubles melting away for a moment that I needed desperately. Then I asked myself exactly what was it about the girl who was three years younger than me that caused me to have this feeling?

Mikasa

I could feel her pain. Her sorrow. Her agony. She needed this. Even though I kept a calmer demeanor inside, there was sheer panic and anger inside. I did not want her to be in pain. She had her life ahead of her and she was letting a temporary problem affect her. This world was beautiful and cruel to everyone. I have had my share. So has she. That is one thing that we can never change no matter our position. Eren showed me that when I was adopted by his family. When someone falls off their saddle, they would have to get back on. All those thoughts came to me as I still stayed in that position with my forehead against hers. I had no clue what was happening.   
"Mikasa?" Petra asked, worryingly.  
"Petra." I said calmly.  
"We... should get back before....Erwin calls the sheriff."  
I didn't even want to go back yet. Petra was so analytical it was almost disgusting. She was right however. Still she did not let go.   
"Do you really feel well enough to go back now?" I asked skeptically.  
"Ummmm...." Petra stuttered.  
"I thought so."  
She was never ready. For the first time ever, I saw my friend in a position where she did not know where to go. She had fallen off her horse and I felt like it was my mission to get her back on the trail no matter the cost.  
"Petra, if you are in trouble or need someone to talk to that isn't a part of your family, please do not hesitate to come find me." I said calmly.  
We finally broke free and I think both of us were left a bit speechless with the other. My heart leapt a bit. I thought it was just some redemption for not always being there for her. And that was the best feeling I could ask for. All Petra could do was show how grateful she was by giving me a genuine smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those who may be confused. Let me assure you that the relationship between Levi and Mikasa are they are blood cousins and Eren is Mikasa's adopted brother/boyfriend. I know that may sound weird but since they only grew up together and Mikasa never accepted the Jaeger name, I think its fine.
> 
> I can't wait to see what you guys think of the chapters! Please tell me your thoughts. 
> 
> THANK YOU AND SEE YOU LATER!

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe the first chapter is done already! Im so happy! Fun fact for you all: the horse names and descriptions are actually based on a few horses I have in my 300 total horse model collection. Please do not call me crazy. I am only a woman who thinks horses are like the best thing ever. It may be a bit before I go and post the next chapter since I will be leaving for vacation soon. But rest assured, I will be continuing this story as soon as possible. See you guys soon! Happy trails.


End file.
